It’s later in the day and my guts still hurt. This pain came out of nowhere — I’ve been doing fairly well lately and not having this kind of distress. Certainly nothing on this level. This is the kind of day when it seems impossible to rise above Crohn’s. Reading my email I came across a timely message from Joe Vitale.
I think I have a belief that I can’t really get my Crohn’s under control to the point that it doesn’t control me.
Joe breaks down a 4 step process that yielded some interesting results for me, so I’ll share them here:
1. Write down any ailments, feelings, or other discomforts you are experiencing.
My guts hurt intensely. Nothing seems to ease the pain. Not eating. Not avoiding eating. Not going to the bathroom. Not napping. It is pervasive and takes all the energy out of me. It’s the feeling of a Crohn’s flare-up.
2. If you have a pain, ailment, or feeling, you do not like…welcome it. Then write down a description of it. (How deep is it? What color is it? How intense is it? Really feel it and get in touch with it.)
Welcome pain. You’re back sooner than I expected.
I just want to cry. This is the kind of pain I had back from 1994 through 2002. The most accurate description is from the Alien movies — the way the victims screamed in agony as the alien ate it’s way from their insides out. It is the burning red of inflammation and the “red alert” lights on Star Trek. Im walking doubled over like an old man and I have to keep one arm wrapped around my stomache at all times.
3. Ask the feeling what it is trying to tell you? You’ll be surprised what it will tell you. Then write it down.
I think that fear of this kind of backsliding health was one of the reasons I avoided working on Rise Above Crohns for so long. Although I think I have managed to do a remarkable job of working my way back to health and I think that I have a lot of good ideas to share with other people with Crohn’s — I’m afraid that thinking about all the bad stuff I’ve been through will give the bad stuff some form of control over my life.
What’s happening now is really what I was afraid would happen. I start writing about Crohn’s and suddenly the daily suffering is a part of my life again.
4. Take any action steps that the feeling may request of you, and write down your experience and insights. In time, this will clear your limiting belief.
Well, if I’ve decided to write about Crohn’s, then I’m going to write about it here on this blog.
I suppose that in a way, a little pain like this can be a good thing. (As long as I can stop this before I have an all-out flareup!) It reminds me how destructive Crohn’s can be. All of a sudden I’m walking around stooped over in pain. Climbing stairs is a nightmare — I’m just too weak. It takes all the hope right out of me. I’m watching the comedy shows I taped from Thursday night NBC, but the pain reminds me not to laugh.
And the onset is so sudden — just yesterday afternoon I walked to the mall and enjoyed the long walk. I probably covered at least 4 or 5 miles by the time I was done (walked through the mall while I was there). I felt great.
Today has been constant agony, just like I used to live. I want to live as a strong and healthy person. Walking long distances, lifting heavy weights, and occasionally running some sprints to break things up.
Today is a reminder of how the people reading this blog who aren’t doing well are feeling. I’ve been out of touch with that for a while. Although the fear of this kind of pain haunts me, I haven’t personally experienced it in a while.
I guess today is also a reminder of how much the fear of this kind of pain still runs my life — even when I’m pain-free. It’s something I’m going to have to move beyond. This fear of causing myself Crohn’s problems just because I discuss Crohn’s problems is quite strong — it’s one of the big things that kept me from developing this blog sooner.
My reason for writing this blog is that I hope some of my suggestions here will help others improve their lives and rid themselves of this kind of pain.
I’m going to stick to that and let this pain ease away. It’s reminded me enough of how bad I’ve had it — now it’s time to get back to being healthy so I can help others.